The Ultimate Dog
There is a new restaurant in town. They have 
been in the process of opening for a couple weeks now and we have been watchin' the progress. Driving by.....peering around corners, peeking through windows with eyes shaded by hands.... stalking... that is how bad we need a new lunch choice in the downtown area. That's not to say the places we have are not good, they are great. There just aren't enough choices or seats to feed everyone that works in or visits the downtown area.
Finally the doors were flung open and an entire city tried to eat lunch there the first week. They were the downtown equivalent to a new Olive Garden, cars filling the parking lot and pouring out into the street. (This is a side effect of the fact that Oklahomans and Lawtonians in particular have not embraced the whole carpooling/energy efficient vehicle era as of yet. Most of them still believe in the philosophy that as Americans they have the God given right to go where they want to go, driving what they want to drive. And on top of that they'll "let the son of a bitch idle with the heater or A/C on while I'm in here if I damn well please. After allmy dad my grandpa my neighbors sisters boy I helped grow that oil working out there on the rigs and I'm sure as hell gonna use my share before it's all gone.")
Oops, I kinda went off there for a bit....
So we wedge our fuel efficient Honda CRV into a parking spot, in front of "The Back Porch", beside three matching 4X4 pickups with custom blue paint, sequential vanity plates starting with "Hoss 1" and color coordinated plastic bull scrotums hanging from their never used trailer hitches....
Why it's called the back porch I don't know, and can only guess. My guess would be that a lot of us ate on the back porch "back in the day", when we didn't have air conditioning and the blistering Oklahoma heat drove us out of the house and into the relative cool of the shaded and (sometimes) breeze filled porch. Or it could be menu driven. Most all of the menu items are those that could be found during any good grilling party held out on the back porch.
I expected a good burger and fries, maybe a chocolate milkshake and for sure there would be "Grandma's sweet tea". What I didn't expect was what was printed on the middle of the right inside page of the menu. HOTDOGS!!! Yep real hotdogs.... the kind that are actually items listed on the menu not summarily thrown into the "Side Items" section as an afterthought. Nope.... these are actually different types of hotdogs made available for the public to order and then consume as an actual entrée. Many times in large quantities.
I was so surprised to find hotdogs on the menu, I ordered a Mushroom & Swiss Bacon Burger. I was afraid the dog would not live up to it's place on the menu and my new found glee would turn to gloom. It was too good to be true, a year where we actually got money back from the IRS AND we could also celebrate the opening of a restaurant that serves real hotdogs. I didn't want to burst the bubble. I didn't really even read all the choices in the dog portion of the menu. I wanted to be able to savor the descriptions when I wasn't hopped up on hotdog endorphins, they can cloud your judgment and I wanted to make the right choice for my first "Back Porch Dog".
The Burger was good and the fries were freshly cut and deep fried.... wonderful. Lynna had a Pulled Pork Sandwich with coleslaw and fries. She gave hers a thumbs up after a momentary hand jester stutter when the sandwich arrived, "Yankee Style", with the coleslaw actually on the sandwich.
On our next visit I opted for a Hotdog. But which one should I choose? They offer a B.Y.O.D. (Build Your Own Dog) which is a 1/4 pound all beef frank (also known as a wienie if you're from Oklahoma) served, surrounded by fresh hand cut fries, on a split buttered hoagie roll with any or all of the following added at your direction:
been in the process of opening for a couple weeks now and we have been watchin' the progress. Driving by.....peering around corners, peeking through windows with eyes shaded by hands.... stalking... that is how bad we need a new lunch choice in the downtown area. That's not to say the places we have are not good, they are great. There just aren't enough choices or seats to feed everyone that works in or visits the downtown area.Finally the doors were flung open and an entire city tried to eat lunch there the first week. They were the downtown equivalent to a new Olive Garden, cars filling the parking lot and pouring out into the street. (This is a side effect of the fact that Oklahomans and Lawtonians in particular have not embraced the whole carpooling/energy efficient vehicle era as of yet. Most of them still believe in the philosophy that as Americans they have the God given right to go where they want to go, driving what they want to drive. And on top of that they'll "let the son of a bitch idle with the heater or A/C on while I'm in here if I damn well please. After all
Oops, I kinda went off there for a bit....
So we wedge our fuel efficient Honda CRV into a parking spot, in front of "The Back Porch", beside three matching 4X4 pickups with custom blue paint, sequential vanity plates starting with "Hoss 1" and color coordinated plastic bull scrotums hanging from their never used trailer hitches....
Why it's called the back porch I don't know, and can only guess. My guess would be that a lot of us ate on the back porch "back in the day", when we didn't have air conditioning and the blistering Oklahoma heat drove us out of the house and into the relative cool of the shaded and (sometimes) breeze filled porch. Or it could be menu driven. Most all of the menu items are those that could be found during any good grilling party held out on the back porch.
I expected a good burger and fries, maybe a chocolate milkshake and for sure there would be "Grandma's sweet tea". What I didn't expect was what was printed on the middle of the right inside page of the menu. HOTDOGS!!! Yep real hotdogs.... the kind that are actually items listed on the menu not summarily thrown into the "Side Items" section as an afterthought. Nope.... these are actually different types of hotdogs made available for the public to order and then consume as an actual entrée. Many times in large quantities.
I was so surprised to find hotdogs on the menu, I ordered a Mushroom & Swiss Bacon Burger. I was afraid the dog would not live up to it's place on the menu and my new found glee would turn to gloom. It was too good to be true, a year where we actually got money back from the IRS AND we could also celebrate the opening of a restaurant that serves real hotdogs. I didn't want to burst the bubble. I didn't really even read all the choices in the dog portion of the menu. I wanted to be able to savor the descriptions when I wasn't hopped up on hotdog endorphins, they can cloud your judgment and I wanted to make the right choice for my first "Back Porch Dog".
The Burger was good and the fries were freshly cut and deep fried.... wonderful. Lynna had a Pulled Pork Sandwich with coleslaw and fries. She gave hers a thumbs up after a momentary hand jester stutter when the sandwich arrived, "Yankee Style", with the coleslaw actually on the sandwich.
On our next visit I opted for a Hotdog. But which one should I choose? They offer a B.Y.O.D. (Build Your Own Dog) which is a 1/4 pound all beef frank (also known as a wienie if you're from Oklahoma) served, surrounded by fresh hand cut fries, on a split buttered hoagie roll with any or all of the following added at your direction:
- Grilled Onions
- Sweet relish
- Bacon Wrapped
- Pickled Jalapenos
- Shredded Cheese (Cheddar or Pepper Jack)
- Sauerkraut
Or... if you're feeling really deserving you can go for the Ultimate Bacon Wrapped Chili Cheese Dog. I felt it was my responsibility to test out the UBWCCD. (Did I mention it was deep fried after the bacon was wrapped around it?) I think anything that bills itself 
as the Ultimate is just begging me to try it.
I will admit it was good. In fact it was very good. That's it on the left under the mountain of chili, cheese and onions. Was it the Ultimate Dog?...... No..... BONK.... thanks for playing todays edition of "Make Randy's Belly Blissful" we have some wonderful parting gifts for you. Just kidding, it made my belly very blissful, it just wasn't the Ultimate Dog. It could come close if they would get rid of those amature wienies and go for the real deal and start serving Nathan's. They are the real deal and will make a 100% difference in the taste of these dogs. (Previous comments mostly intended for management if they happen to read this post.)
This visit also cause the following quotes of the day from "she who is my dream girl";
She asked if I thought I would be satisfied with one hotdog or did I think I should also order some brown beans and cornbread on the side. And I responded that I thought one dog would do the trick. To which my lovely wife replied, "That will have to be a really big weenie to fill you u.....uh, never mind."
And then, after our food was served and I was intently munching away on a bite of wienie wrapped in crispy bacon, she looked up and asked while indicating someone who had approached our table and then took a seat close by;
And then, after our food was served and I was intently munching away on a bite of wienie wrapped in crispy bacon, she looked up and asked while indicating someone who had approached our table and then took a seat close by;
"Do you know that guy or was he just admiring your wie...... dog?"
At this point I must admit that it appears this post is turning into a short story. I think we are up to about 1700 words and two weeks to deliver. I can't help it... I get hung up and then we eat at the "Back Porch" again and there is more of the story to tell. Maybe I should start a separate blog that just lists our food choices each day and our rating of said choices. No embelishment just straight reporting.... we'll see.
On Monday of this week we tried to go to the "Back Porch" for lunch. No parking spaces. The dining area may only be half full but if I can't park in the lot then we're going somewhere else to eat. Because if you think that we are going to walk to get lunch you're nuts. The walking would just counter act the eating and that would be un-American.
So we tried again yesterday (Thursday, March 13th). I think it would have even been worth walking to get this lunch special. Hell, I might have even walked the 12 blocks
from work to eat yesterdays selection. It was the special and sadly not a daily menu item. Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes with jalapeno gravy and green beans. Holy Mother Of All Chicken Fried Steaks!!! This was simply wonderful. I can't even describe how good it was. You will just need to trust me. If it is available, order it. Screw the Ultimate Hotdog this is the Ultimate 
Chicken Fried Steak!!!! I never thought I would chose a big hunk of meat steak over a weenie hotdog. This was that good. Dream Girl had a grilled chicken, bacon, caramelized onion and pepper jack cheese sandwich that was pretty dang good also. And sweet tea. Did I mention the sweet tea?
Have you ever been so full you couldn't burp without vomiting in you mouth a little?
Me either... but it was close.
At this point I must admit that it appears this post is turning into a short story. I think we are up to about 1700 words and two weeks to deliver. I can't help it... I get hung up and then we eat at the "Back Porch" again and there is more of the story to tell. Maybe I should start a separate blog that just lists our food choices each day and our rating of said choices. No embelishment just straight reporting.... we'll see.
On Monday of this week we tried to go to the "Back Porch" for lunch. No parking spaces. The dining area may only be half full but if I can't park in the lot then we're going somewhere else to eat. Because if you think that we are going to walk to get lunch you're nuts. The walking would just counter act the eating and that would be un-American.
So we tried again yesterday (Thursday, March 13th). I think it would have even been worth walking to get this lunch special. Hell, I might have even walked the 12 blocks
from work to eat yesterdays selection. It was the special and sadly not a daily menu item. Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes with jalapeno gravy and green beans. Holy Mother Of All Chicken Fried Steaks!!! This was simply wonderful. I can't even describe how good it was. You will just need to trust me. If it is available, order it. Screw the Ultimate Hotdog this is the Ultimate Chicken Fried Steak!!!! I never thought I would chose a Have you ever been so full you couldn't burp without vomiting in you mouth a little?
Me either... but it was close.
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